It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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