A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
