i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
