it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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