i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
