oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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