If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
