god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
false alarm, still single
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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