I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
