I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
