3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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