I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
