Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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