My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
