its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
