Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
