if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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