I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
