So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
