It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you win again, gameday.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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