I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
