One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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