New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
