I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
