I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
