you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
