Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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