She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
