weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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