The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
