Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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