My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
