Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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