You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
