We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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