How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
