her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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