Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
