I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
