i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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