you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
