I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
