my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
