so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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