Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
