I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
