i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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