ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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