Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is classic penis vs brain.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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