what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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