dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
