Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need help removing her.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
