dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
