my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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