my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
