great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
