I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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