my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
