he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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