Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize