Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
