what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
