just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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